Good to be back...

When I started off with this blog, it was my intention to post everyday. But as it turns out, I haven't been able to do it. I had wanted to, but just couldn't. Had a lot to blurt out, dunno how much of it I can actually recollect...

Valentine's Day went by and it was celebration time for lovers all over the world. But some people have it as their mission to find a problem in everything. And the arguments they put forth - it's not Indian Culture! It's like wutever suits their convenience, is in line with Indian Culture! The uncivilised blokes wreck havoc in an otherwise peaceful place, ruining cards and gifts shops, bashing up couples...wish someone would pump some sense into them...

I had gone to visit my bro's college during that weekend, along with my dad (the college's in a different state). Spoke to Ji of course! My bro's college is splendid! It's spread out across a vast tract of land and we had a stroll across its well-maintained campus.

Came back on Tuesday morning...and was a busy bee till yesterday. The last week of dad's stay turned out to be too hectic. He left y'day morning. Before leaving he gave me the usual take-care-of-health-studies-job advice, but added that once I get married, one of his major worries would dissolve. Wonder why parents are so overly concerned about their daughters' wedding; perhaps I'll find out when I have a daughter of my own. The point is I've become extremely paranoid about the event called marriage. An event that is supposed to bring loads of joy to a girl, has mixed implications for me. For one, dad has refused to perform kanya daan with mom - an essential step in a Hindu wedding. The parents are supposed to perform the ritual together. But dad says he can't sit along with mom. Marriage is something that happens once in a lifetime (atleast for me), and I'm unfortunate enough to miss out on this custom. Then, the related repercussions - the ugly whispers doing their rounds in the crowd, about why my parents are not performing the essential steps together. Before that, the apprehensions of Ji's parents of bringing in a girl from a broken family...and so on...

Sometimes I feel I would never get married...then I shun the thought immediately. I've been a complete fiasco in handling this tragedy of my life. My utterly sensitive nature has only confounded the problem. Marriage seems so beautiful when I glance at the lives of two of my cousins...so blissfully married. It seems to be an unmatched nightmare when I look at the lives of my parents and so many other couples in my family itself.

All of this commotion has eroded my sense of humor...I analyse everything critically. Seemingly tiny issues impact me deeply. I hope all of this is not irreversible. I dont know how far I can carry on like this before I have a psychological breakdown. I hope I never have it. I hope the Lord gives me enough strength to sail through this period of turmoil - a turmoil which doesn't seem to have an end. And I'm thankful to whoever came up with the idea of blogging...which provides a vent to my frustrations. I wouldn't ever dare to confess my feelings so candidly to anyone in the real world...needless to say, my Ji is within me and hence knows everything naturally...

Hope I don't sound like one big complain box...but even if I do, can't really help it...