.....my life lies in those eyes that have me slain

Monday, February 21, 2005

Good to be back...

When I started off with this blog, it was my intention to post everyday. But as it turns out, I haven't been able to do it. I had wanted to, but just couldn't. Had a lot to blurt out, dunno how much of it I can actually recollect...

Valentine's Day went by and it was celebration time for lovers all over the world. But some people have it as their mission to find a problem in everything. And the arguments they put forth - it's not Indian Culture! It's like wutever suits their convenience, is in line with Indian Culture! The uncivilised blokes wreck havoc in an otherwise peaceful place, ruining cards and gifts shops, bashing up couples...wish someone would pump some sense into them...

I had gone to visit my bro's college during that weekend, along with my dad (the college's in a different state). Spoke to Ji of course! My bro's college is splendid! It's spread out across a vast tract of land and we had a stroll across its well-maintained campus.

Came back on Tuesday morning...and was a busy bee till yesterday. The last week of dad's stay turned out to be too hectic. He left y'day morning. Before leaving he gave me the usual take-care-of-health-studies-job advice, but added that once I get married, one of his major worries would dissolve. Wonder why parents are so overly concerned about their daughters' wedding; perhaps I'll find out when I have a daughter of my own. The point is I've become extremely paranoid about the event called marriage. An event that is supposed to bring loads of joy to a girl, has mixed implications for me. For one, dad has refused to perform kanya daan with mom - an essential step in a Hindu wedding. The parents are supposed to perform the ritual together. But dad says he can't sit along with mom. Marriage is something that happens once in a lifetime (atleast for me), and I'm unfortunate enough to miss out on this custom. Then, the related repercussions - the ugly whispers doing their rounds in the crowd, about why my parents are not performing the essential steps together. Before that, the apprehensions of Ji's parents of bringing in a girl from a broken family...and so on...

Sometimes I feel I would never get married...then I shun the thought immediately. I've been a complete fiasco in handling this tragedy of my life. My utterly sensitive nature has only confounded the problem. Marriage seems so beautiful when I glance at the lives of two of my cousins...so blissfully married. It seems to be an unmatched nightmare when I look at the lives of my parents and so many other couples in my family itself.

All of this commotion has eroded my sense of humor...I analyse everything critically. Seemingly tiny issues impact me deeply. I hope all of this is not irreversible. I dont know how far I can carry on like this before I have a psychological breakdown. I hope I never have it. I hope the Lord gives me enough strength to sail through this period of turmoil - a turmoil which doesn't seem to have an end. And I'm thankful to whoever came up with the idea of blogging...which provides a vent to my frustrations. I wouldn't ever dare to confess my feelings so candidly to anyone in the real world...needless to say, my Ji is within me and hence knows everything naturally...

Hope I don't sound like one big complain box...but even if I do, can't really help it...



well, u don't sound like a complaint box....but u do sound like someone who's going thru a very tough time...i can understand how much ur parents' presence means to u....maybe u just have to convince them from ur point of view...and plz do not worry abt what others might whisper behind ur back....so long as they exist, people will talk....it's human nature...just focus on all the good times ahead...and do not worry abt these people....hope it all works out for u...
# posted by Blogger Rajat : Tuesday, February 22, 2005  

ya...i must learn to ignore wut neone says behind me. i do try to focus on happy times, but i dunno y i feel guilty...!
# posted by Blogger Vidhi : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

yeah..i have seen many couples who nearly cant stand each other..but somehow feel this problem is far more prominent in the generation of our parents...now people live happily with each other...moreover education, books, movies help in understanding the view point of ur better half and may lead to a more contended life...if u find all this bullshit...sorry that i consumed ur precious time
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

anonymous, u do have a point there...there's no bull shit in it!
# posted by Blogger Vidhi : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

you are not guilty of anything.and circumstances will be adverse or favourable at different times.life won't serve u happiness on a platter buddy , but u can make ur own life beautiful by just a change of mindset.just see around , life is beautiful :)smile without needing a reason to smile.
# posted by Anonymous abhinav : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

Hmmm, ..V.. first time am reading something you wrote here. But I dont have anything to comment on it...
# posted by Blogger The Inspiring : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

I see no rhyme or reason in life...
NO one knows why some things work in life and some things don't. Some of us are just not lucky enough. So don't take it personally.. - Notting Hill

Thanx for visiting my blog.. and don't give a damn for what ppl say!
# posted by Blogger Sumit : Wednesday, February 23, 2005  

love your parents for what they are and how they are ...just because they messed up does not mean that all marrigaes get messed up......i can imagine the pain of not having the people you love most love each other ...however dont let this gloom your vision and your thoughts ...we got to create happiness ourselves it does not come running to you....it is about accepting people as they are , seeing the good side of all things and even if something bad happens finding a way out...cheer up gal
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : Thursday, February 24, 2005  

by the way that was prabha catch you more often at gentle chaos
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : Thursday, February 24, 2005  

that was a lovely thing u said abhinav. i believe if i was away from the scene of action, i wud have had a chance to get a grip, to heal the wounds. but being here day in and day out and experiencing it thru my mom is doing the damage...also, it's not easy when when i have someone telling me, i have an advantage if they r separated and hence dont try to unite them...

hi prabha...u right too...! i do make an effort to put all this in the background and enjoy life!
# posted by Blogger Vidhi : Thursday, February 24, 2005  

Hi V, I am amazed at Ur clear thoughts in a tough situation."I hope the Lord gives me enough strength to sail through this period of turmoil ". I know it is an oft-repeated proverb, but here goes'Tough times don't last, Tough people do' :) Chin Up, and do not worry about people talking...'Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna'
# posted by Blogger Vidhur : Friday, February 25, 2005  

ya vidhur...i really must learn to care two hoots abt wut ppl say behind me...
# posted by Blogger Vidhi : Tuesday, March 01, 2005  

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What is yours will remain yours, even when it is not with you.

About Me
24 year-old female Arian. wheatish complexion, long hair, slender frame. After being a citizen of the world an Indian to the core

Fav Books: The Alchemist, Harry Potter
Fav Movie: The eternal Titanic
Fan of: Salman Khan, the English language
Fav line: When you want something very badly, the entire universe conspires to help you have it. [The Alchemist]

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