Monday, June 06, 2005
Tracks of my Tears
I'm slightly down since the last couple of days. Two nights back mom told me and my bro, 'Please ask dad to come back...years are just rolling by, life is drawing to an end. How long more like this?' The lump in my throat was so huge, it hurt...I couldn't speak. My bro gave her some consolation. I moved to the other room, shut myself in and released the water.
Last week we visited out paternal grandparents. I spoke to my grandmom at length about sundry topics. Haven't spoken to her like that in a long long time. It was then she told me that she had suffered tremendously at the hands of my grandfather. But being uneducated and unable to fend for herself, she was left at his mercy. And at this age when they are supposed to be free from all worry, they have their son's broken home to deal with. She doesn't have anyone to pour her heart out to - both sons are away leading their own lives - bcoz of which she was elated that I spent time with her. Though it disturbed my mental order and drew my attention back to the issue I'd managed to push to the far end of my mind, the satisfaction of bringing a smile to someone's face is immense.
All of a sudden, I feel much more responsible. The separation of my parents is likely to have much more severe repersussions than I ever thought of. I would refrain from speaking abt them right now...suffice to say that if left to myself, I can handle reasonably tough situations; but when it comes to giving answers to others, I would rather flee to some unknown place. Dad keeps telling me things might not go as planned always. One must keep thinking of alternatives...and I feel I've woken up to this truth.
Incidentally, y'day was special for VISA again...in 2002, Saahil came straight to my mom and told her he wanted to marry me! Happy Anniversary again to my dear Saahil :)! Loving you is a pleasure like no other!