Monday, March 14, 2005
Vicissitudes of Life - I
I've been meaning to write this since a long time, but got delayed as the matter was huge. Here I reveal some more unpleasant memories. They are best forgotten but I wish to recollect them here to help in explaining the various 'other factors' that add to the problems in life.
My Ji brought me into the enchanting world of his love in 2002. But the period before that from mid 1997 was one of a different kind of turmoil & anxiety and replete with extreme agony. Part of it was due to my own folly.
I recollect with regret that I was involved with a guy called R. He was my classmate in 11th & 12th and he proposed to me way back in the beginning of 11th, hardly two months after we first met. Being in an all-girls school till 10th, I had no sense of direction in such situations, or in any situation involving guys. And so I agreed to enter courtship with him, within a very short span.
That was the time when the feud between mom and dad was taking an ugly turn. I was with my parents till 8th and then with my relatives for 9th and 10th. When I rejoined them in 11th, their relationship was terribly on the rocks. The only person I could share my sorrow with was R and at that time he did provide me the support I craved for.
Seems really fine till now, deosn't it? It did for me too; until one dark day when he told me that he wished to part ways with me as he couldn't afford to lose the trust his parents had put in him.
My life, my trust, my love, my heart, my dreams, my hopes, my happiness - all died a tragic death, all shattered into pieces. I had such trust in that person that I never for once thought him capable of doing such a thing to me. I could see the pain of separation in mom's eyes and just as I started praying to God never to bring me to a similar test, R chose to give me the grief I dreaded most.
R was quick to rectify his mistake and win me back again; only to repeat it at regular intervals. It became a habit with him to say he wanted to quit whenever his temper was not in control. I used to literally beg him to stay with me.
All this took an emotional toll on me. It destroyed my patience and impeded my cerebration. Nah...I ain't trying to find an alibi for my erroneous acts that follow; just presenting the background in which the following events took place...
[the rest will soon follow...]